Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
