Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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