So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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