If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
