Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
