U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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