he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
