Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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