just tell him i said nine months
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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