that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
