I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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