I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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