Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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