it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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