So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
