Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize