I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
