The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
