Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
