Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
