LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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