What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
