you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
