I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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