My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
