You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
