Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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