I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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