Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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