brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
