eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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