Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
