I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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