What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
