We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
