Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
