so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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