Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
