if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
