I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
should my penis look like a turkey
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
