i don't like sucking hair
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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