remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize