He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
