If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
