I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
