I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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