Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You have to summon your inner elephant
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
