he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
