Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
