Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
