angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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