My hand turned me down
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
