A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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