god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
