im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
