Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
