I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
