took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Randomize
