i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
