they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
