I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
