i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
