He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
