she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
people are starting to question the shark bite story
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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