I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
