those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
