I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
