so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
