i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
