you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
