Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize