3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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