I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
