I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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