i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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