Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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