It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize