Christians are straight up FREAKS
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
