She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
