we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
