He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
