Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
