Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize