You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize