Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
