im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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