My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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