Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
