I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize