thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize