nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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