But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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