the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize