I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
